I love having hate sex.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
