at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
