So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
