did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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