So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
