What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
