We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
