in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
