You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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