The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
