vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
