porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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