The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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