So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
