god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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