like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
