make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
