Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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