Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
