Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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