I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
