exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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