Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
