So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize