i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize