That's intense
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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