No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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