If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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