He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
