I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
