I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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