I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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