I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
