Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
