my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
