Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
