Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
