I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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