If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Operation Purity has been aborted
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Randomize
