I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
How external is "for external use only"?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Randomize
