YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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