Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize