are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I've blown a few things in my day
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
