I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
