1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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