Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
