gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
