Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
