My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Randomize
