It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
