We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
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