my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
