4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
At least make sure they are 18
Why
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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