lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
