I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
