Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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