Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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