We named our party play list daddy issues
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
