phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
