I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
