I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Randomize
