is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
