i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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