There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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