We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
