Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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