they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
