dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
