Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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