Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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